He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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