Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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