I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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