when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize