i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
