This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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