My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
