So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
