Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
