So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i've created a new STD.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
