just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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