Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
