I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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