Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
