he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
