we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize