i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Of course I have a pirate flag
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
