i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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