Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
