I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
