their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
