I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
