For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
