If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
