i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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