And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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