trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
