and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?