why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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