I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.