and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.