Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
