How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
handjob tips. give me some.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day