i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.