I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
