dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
