I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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