Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
