i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm having to shit out rocks
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