just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
