Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
tell me about the fingering
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