his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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