Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
