Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
