He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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