I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
