Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's the barista slut.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
