Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
