As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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