Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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