unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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