Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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