Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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