You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
