dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
