I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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