Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
