dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
