I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
