Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
