Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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