i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
