She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
