Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've blown a few things in my day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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