the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
