So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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