he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
