I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
