That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
