Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
