a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you never un-have a 4some
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
