Your face is a jimmy john
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
