cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
