Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
