Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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