I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
